Has health frozen over? Let’s talk about that. ( music playing ) Good mythical morning! Thank you for making us a part of your daily routine and starting each show with a thumbnail outlined in green. – Yes, there it is! – Remember that! Big show today. Mike and Alex are going to destroy or they have destroyed a mystery object and we’re gonna find out can we guess what it is. We’re also gonna see if Rhett can tell the difference between a Grammy nominated artist song and bathroom wall poetry. But first, it is January and the most popular resolution that you’ve probably already broken is to eat healthy. Yes, now one way so-called healthy food companies try to make it easier to get healthy, uh, or eat healthy even when you have no time is frozen meals. So we are headed to the frozen food section. It’s time for… Okay, here’s how this is gonna work. We’re gonna be tasting some healthy frozen foods and then guessing which healthy frozen food brand it’s from.
Here are the brands we have to choose from. We’ve got Weight Watchers’ Smart Ones. Those meals are points based. Uh-huh. Lean Cuisine, which is calorie controlled, 200, 300 calories, uh, – range is what– – Right, low calorie. Healthy Choice. Their Website says that meals are cooked with steam. So, look out for the steam. Okay, and then there’s Evol, – which is love– – Evil. – Evil. Evol. – Evol. I don’t think they call it evil. It’s love spelled backwards because according to their mission statement, “Looking in the mirror and seeing the way we eat and live.” Dot, dot, dot. – I don’t know that’s all I read. – I think you said– I think the mission statement is about that. Not that. Their mission statement is to get you looking in the mirror.
We’ve got Atkins, of course, which is very, very low carb, high fat, high protein. And Amy’s Kitchen. All of Amy’s food is vegetarian. Okay, and we got a little fact sheet here with us with a little additional information to help us make informed choices. Let’s bring in the first item. Look at this. Here we got it. Is this all of it or just some of it? – Yeah, that is not exciting. – Not a lot of it. Which immediately gives me a clue that this might be very low calorie. Like 200-300 calories, which will make it Lean Cuisine. Some rice. Oh and there’s little bit– – Mushroom. – hint of a mushroom. – Mmm. – I could eat the whole thing. It’s not bad– there’s actually a sweetness to it. – That’s the sugar snaps peas. – Yeah, it is. I didn’t know there was sugar on sugar snaps. Um, not bad. – It’s not– not great. – Not good. It does taste healthy. I’ll put it to you that way. Uh, this one brings back memories.
I believe I know which one this is, because I ate a lot of these as a kid ’cause my mom had ’em in the freezer. – Yeah, I– well– – I’m saying this is– – You think it’s Lean Cuisine? – Lean Cuisine. Well it feels incredibly low calorie, which makes me think that you’re probably right, but I also think that this could’ve been steam technology, because of this plastic bowl. Feels very steam technology. So just in the name of variety I’m gonna go with Healthy Choice.
Okay. Okay, so our first choice is safely in the microwave, and we’re moving on to this square pizza, which is not from any of these places. This is from Buies Creek Elementary school. – Okay? – No, no, no, dude. – Our pizza was rectangular. – Rectangle. Well don’t ruin it for ’em. They don’t know. This is perfectly square, which is only for people on a diet.
And it’s also scary. You know square things do have less calories. And are you saying it’s scary because it could poke you in the eye? No, ’cause it’s just too perfect. Didn’t make eye contact with him when that happened. – Hmm. – You know, I feel like rip it in half, let’s taste the middle. ’cause tasting the edges is not– we’re just gonna say how bad it is. – It’s not good. – Boy, that is bland. That is a backwards way to make a pizza. You see where I’m going with this? You think this is evil? This is an evil pizza, because– when you ruin pizza– man, that is a bad place to live. Yeah, I wanted to say this might Amy’s Kitchen because it’s all vegetarian. You know that there’s no Amy? – No. – It’s just Rachel and Andy. They started it together. There is no Amy. – Who the crap is Amy? – I don’t know. – So they’re deceptive. – I’ve never had Evol, so– maybe– am I– it sounds like I’m saying evil. I don’t know if you guys knew that. When you came up with your– I’m gonna go with my instincts about squares and deception.
We didn’t like the pizza. Can we be any clearer? What the heck is this? I can’t tell. – Is that crackers on top? – It smells like– I think it’s tortilla crumbles, which means it’s not Atkins. Mmm, you’re right, Link. – Should we mix that up first? – No, no, no. Eat it like a casserole. Oh, it’s got pasta in it. Definitely not Apkin– Apkins. I need some napkins with my Apkins. It’s definitely missing several ingredients that would make it good. Yeah. First thing I noticed but that’s been the case with all of these. Somebody had a severe mix-up. This is– it’s got spicy tortilla– – Oh it’s spicy. – And pasta. This is like an Italian Mexican melding of weight loss. You know what? It’s for people who wanna lose weight, but go to the Mexican restaurant and the Italian restaurant in the same night. I think this might be Amy’s and I’ve already guessed Amy’s. I was thinking the same thing. I totally agree, because the more I eat it, it doesn’t taste bad. They do like to put the spice in the Amy’s. Again with the deception. Yeah, they cover up the lack of sugar, fat, or any redeeming qualities with spice.
Which is not a redeeming quality in my book. But it doesn’t taste bad. But I do believe that anyone who combine those ingredients in that way is evil. Okay, moving along to this pasta dish. Ravioli wrapped in a paper bowl. It looks like your mom just threw some leftovers into a bowl from the potluck on Sunday. But does it look like something that Oprah would enjoy? – That’s the question. – Yeah. Because, you know, she’s big into the Weight Watchers.
Um, according to my cheat sheet she owns a 10% stake and after her amazing Golden Globes speech, which I saw in real time and was riveted by, the side effect of that was that Weight Watchers stock went soaring and she earned $36 million. Boy, it’s great to be Oprah. Oh, there’s green in there. Yeah, that’s what makes it Weight Watchers. Other Weight Watchers spokespeople– Jessica Simpson, Charles Barkley, Jennifer Hudson, DJ Khaled. Kaled or Khaled? Kaled? Kaled? – DJ Khaled! – Khaled. Do you picture him sitting down with this bowel and eating it? – Actually, yes. – I could definitely see him.
He’s eat two or three. I can picture him eating anything. Doing it right now. But that is not what’s going on here. – I don’t know I feel like– – It’s not bad. All right, since we talked so much about Oprah– I don’t know it’s kind of a one-dimensional meal. I think Healthy Choice does that. Where it’s just one thing. Well, Lean Cuisine– now I’m contradicting myself. Lean Cuisine is an offshoot of Stouffers. And this bowl has a very Stouffery quality to it. Don’t you think? Stouffers cuts corners a lot. What do we have here? Some sort of beans and rice thing. Is that cheese on top of it? It looks like a ghost took a crap on a TV dinner. – In this area. – Why do so many of these meals look like– you were just– you were definitely going through the leftovers and throwing whatever you could find together. – Well, I’m sure that the– – Is that part of the aesthetic? I’m sure the outside of the box didn’t look like this. – Oh, let me mix that up. – Is that creamy? – Is it creamy? – It’s creamy, it’s not cheese.
It’s some sort of cheese sauce or non-cheese sauce or– Who am I kiddin’? I have no clue what this is. Well, it can’t be Atkins, though, because it’s got beans and rice, right? We’re both holding on to our Atkins fork. – Well neither– – Always hold on to your Atkins fork. And Weight Watchers. We both have the same two. – Oh really? – Let’s dink one. – We haven’t done that yet. – You don’t wanna dink me, man. – I’m a little sick. – Oh really? – Unless you want it. – Is that not a fresh fork? It is a– no. Yeah, it is a fresh fork. – Well, dink it. – You can dink it. Don’t double dink it. – Man. – That’s the best thing so far. By a long shot. Which just to clarify, still means it’s horrible. – I mean– – No, no, this is good. It needs salt. Sodium is bad for you. Yeah, it needs something bad for you. I think that’s the thing all of them’s missing. Um, I don’t know. Do you mind if I eat this whole thing right now? A healthy breakfast I guess.
All right, so we both have Atkins and Weight Watchers, and then we get to do a switcheroo, Um, after the next round, but it’s not Atkins so I gotta vote Weight Watchers, ’cause it’s got rice, right? – Yeah right. – You love it? I really like it. I really like it. – It’s the best thing I’ve had– – I need to intervene. in the past three hours. – So what are you voting for? – I’ve been up for three hours. I gotta vote Smart Ones, ’cause it’s not Atkins. Well, that same ghost that took a crap on those beans and rice, – Uh-huh. – he vomitted into this. Oh, and now it’s just sliding off. Oh, look at it, it’s monolithic. It’s monolithic. – Now don’t– – Word of the day, kids. Don’t spill it. Okay, now is this one huge– I think it’s– is it one big ravioli? – It’s one big– – That is an accomplishment. I’m gonna need another fork in order to– I’m so impressed by this.
It’s one big ravioli, Link! How do they– I think that might just be a lasagna. Is a lasagna sealed on the side technically a ravioli? Yes. Absolutely. It’s got some sausage. It’s very meat forward. Just like me. Well, just like you, too, I mean really. That’s not– – Like all men. – That’s not bad. Well, I think one thing we’ve also learned is that Atkins does some stuff that looks like carbs, because everything’s had carbs. We’ve hung Atkins around and now I’m just– I’m just putting it here because it’s all I got left.
– Yeah me, too. – You, too, only have Atkins left. I would say that’s one of my favorite dishes so far. – It’s not bad. Not bad at all. – Not bad. – Not badkins. – I’ll have some more. DJ Khaled! And I think it is Khaled. – Yes. – Tell it– tell us what we got so far, Khaled. He’s in the house. Woman: That’s me, uh, DJ Khaled. Well, before I tell you what your points are right now I wanna tell you what’s on the line because the winner gets a much-deserved and needed deep dish pizza. – Yes! – Oh nice! “Khaled”: Not diet, it is deep dish. The loser has to take a shot of healthy, bitter greens.
So with that being said, Link. With that being said we got some bacon, ’cause we can’t go as long as we have in this episode without eating something good. You have two correct. Congratulations, Link. And, Rhett, you have four correct. Oh! Yeah! All right, I’m making some changes right now. Um, I believe that this– I think you were right about this. – Yeah. – Sweet sesame chicken. That’s not Lean Cuisine, though, you’re wrong about that. This is Lean Cuisine. Smart One– I actually think this is Atkins. – It has some– I think we’re right. – Must be. – Not– – I’m not changing any of ’em. Because I feel like I’ll just screw it up.
I think Smart Ones is the pizza, and then I think– I have no clue what Evol is, but that is my– my final– What I will say is I think that I would make the Santa Fe rice and beans Amy’s, but I don’t wanna mess with the mojo. So I’m gonna let it stick where it is. All right, let us know, Khaled. “Khaled”: Well, Rhett, you have four correct. Link, you still have two correct. I don’t know, man. Bring me that deep dish pizza! ( singing ) All I do is lose, lose, lose, no matter what. It doesn’t seem right for you to– to do this to me. It’s very right. But you were very, very wrong. ( coughs ) Oh gosh, grass clippings. And some sort of putrid, ditch water.
Mmm. Congratulations, man. You can have the– you can have a little bit of that to wash it down. All right, stick around because next we’re gonna see if you can guess what item Mythical crew members, Mike and Alex, completely destroy just for us. And we’re gonna see if we can, too. Link: Your mornings just got better with our Boiled For Safety mug available at Mythical.Store. .